I can't even think straight until I get this out of my brain. The tweet below was RT'd to my home twitter feed and my head nearly exploded. My first response to this was - are you actually kidding me? Followed by; I have to have woke up in an alternate universe; and surely no one in this day and age - 2013! still considers this to be a valid opinion or view point - and who on this earth would vote YES?!?!?!?! (previously accused attackers maybe?).
I want to know why it isn't accepted that victims of crimes, whatever they may be, shouldn't be held responsible. But then, they're not are they? People who are the victims of home burglary's aren't blamed - they aren't told, "well maybe you shouldn't live in such an obviously nice house, it's a bit enticing to people that want to steal. If it's nice on the outside, you're basically advertising that you've got stuff inside it for them. If you want to protect your house from burglary make it look like shit. Maybe a boarded up window, overgrown hedges and the paint peeling from the front door should be enough to put them off." That's just madness right? So it should be accepted by now that women that are the victims of sexual assault aren't to blame. We often read it in the papers or see it on the news, people saying "well maybe she shouldn't have been wearing such a short skirt"; "if she didn't want people looking at her she wouldn't have her cleavage out. It's her own fault". As far as I was aware, women don't dress themselves to advertise themselves to men. Women dress for themselves, in clothes they like or ones that are in fashion or both. If you read the fashion magazines women are shown that these are the clothes they should be wearing - then as soon as they become a victim all of a sudden they should be leaving the house wrapped in curtains to hide every single part of their skin, or better yet - maybe they just shouldn't go out at all. So for example, crop tops are in fashion just now and have been for a little while - so in theory of this argument should women not wear them because exposing their stomachs could be seen as enticing to men? No, because that's stupid.
As far as blaming a woman for being drunk. I AM SICK OF IT. This is probably the longest standing argument for people that victim blame. Blaming someone for being drunk is not an excuse. They still didn't ask for it, possibly they probably didn't have the capacity to even say no, but when someone's not saying yes - take it as a NO. While it's important for women to be self-aware and obviously try not to over do it - the same could be said for anyone that drinks alcohol. When men get absolutely out their mind drunk, say they get seriously injured by someone else - like getting stabbed or something - is it okay to say, "they shouldn't have been so drunk and it wouldn't have happened". No. You'd get hung and quartered for saying that about a stabbing victim. It's obviously the knife wielding maniacs fault, right? So why do people continue to say that women shouldn't drink alcohol because it makes themselves vulnerable to being attacked? When I've got my back turned to someone, I'm vulnerable to them - they could sneak up behind me and wring my neck. The point is, attackers seek out vulnerable people, and you're not only vulnerable if you're drunk. You may as well wrap yourself up in ten layers of bubble wrap and hide in your wardrobe. And why should you deny yourself a socially accepted method of socialising, it's normal to go out and have a drink with friends - it shouldn't be considered normal to sexually assault someone.
I nearly lost my eyebrows in my hair I was so shocked when I seen that "flirty" behaviour was a cause for blame. And the general outcry on twitter about this tells me I wasn't the only one. Since when was flirting with someone a free invitation for them to do what they like with you? Flirting ain't permission for sex, just FYI. It's the first step in expressing an attraction to someone, and just because a woman is attracted to a man doesn't mean she wants to sleep with them. And in my experience, friendliness is often confused for flirting. You see it all the time on TV and in movies, a guy or girl leans in for a kiss and the other person freaks out because the other person is like a sibling to them or whatever. So for starters this person you assaulted, may not have even been flirting with you in the first place. It is just so ridiculous that I'm running out of words to explain how ridiculous it is.
These tend to be the main victim blaming view points, but what about the women that are raped when they're wearing "unattractive" comfy clothes; or that are sober; or that are a bitch to everyone? What I can take from the media's view on female rape victims - Dress badly, and in general don't look after your appearance; try and make yourself as invulnerable as possible at all times - maybe take up martial arts?; and don't be friendly to anyone - y'know just in case you cross paths with a sick fuck that will rape you.
Rant. Over.
I want to know why it isn't accepted that victims of crimes, whatever they may be, shouldn't be held responsible. But then, they're not are they? People who are the victims of home burglary's aren't blamed - they aren't told, "well maybe you shouldn't live in such an obviously nice house, it's a bit enticing to people that want to steal. If it's nice on the outside, you're basically advertising that you've got stuff inside it for them. If you want to protect your house from burglary make it look like shit. Maybe a boarded up window, overgrown hedges and the paint peeling from the front door should be enough to put them off." That's just madness right? So it should be accepted by now that women that are the victims of sexual assault aren't to blame. We often read it in the papers or see it on the news, people saying "well maybe she shouldn't have been wearing such a short skirt"; "if she didn't want people looking at her she wouldn't have her cleavage out. It's her own fault". As far as I was aware, women don't dress themselves to advertise themselves to men. Women dress for themselves, in clothes they like or ones that are in fashion or both. If you read the fashion magazines women are shown that these are the clothes they should be wearing - then as soon as they become a victim all of a sudden they should be leaving the house wrapped in curtains to hide every single part of their skin, or better yet - maybe they just shouldn't go out at all. So for example, crop tops are in fashion just now and have been for a little while - so in theory of this argument should women not wear them because exposing their stomachs could be seen as enticing to men? No, because that's stupid.
As far as blaming a woman for being drunk. I AM SICK OF IT. This is probably the longest standing argument for people that victim blame. Blaming someone for being drunk is not an excuse. They still didn't ask for it, possibly they probably didn't have the capacity to even say no, but when someone's not saying yes - take it as a NO. While it's important for women to be self-aware and obviously try not to over do it - the same could be said for anyone that drinks alcohol. When men get absolutely out their mind drunk, say they get seriously injured by someone else - like getting stabbed or something - is it okay to say, "they shouldn't have been so drunk and it wouldn't have happened". No. You'd get hung and quartered for saying that about a stabbing victim. It's obviously the knife wielding maniacs fault, right? So why do people continue to say that women shouldn't drink alcohol because it makes themselves vulnerable to being attacked? When I've got my back turned to someone, I'm vulnerable to them - they could sneak up behind me and wring my neck. The point is, attackers seek out vulnerable people, and you're not only vulnerable if you're drunk. You may as well wrap yourself up in ten layers of bubble wrap and hide in your wardrobe. And why should you deny yourself a socially accepted method of socialising, it's normal to go out and have a drink with friends - it shouldn't be considered normal to sexually assault someone.
I nearly lost my eyebrows in my hair I was so shocked when I seen that "flirty" behaviour was a cause for blame. And the general outcry on twitter about this tells me I wasn't the only one. Since when was flirting with someone a free invitation for them to do what they like with you? Flirting ain't permission for sex, just FYI. It's the first step in expressing an attraction to someone, and just because a woman is attracted to a man doesn't mean she wants to sleep with them. And in my experience, friendliness is often confused for flirting. You see it all the time on TV and in movies, a guy or girl leans in for a kiss and the other person freaks out because the other person is like a sibling to them or whatever. So for starters this person you assaulted, may not have even been flirting with you in the first place. It is just so ridiculous that I'm running out of words to explain how ridiculous it is.
These tend to be the main victim blaming view points, but what about the women that are raped when they're wearing "unattractive" comfy clothes; or that are sober; or that are a bitch to everyone? What I can take from the media's view on female rape victims - Dress badly, and in general don't look after your appearance; try and make yourself as invulnerable as possible at all times - maybe take up martial arts?; and don't be friendly to anyone - y'know just in case you cross paths with a sick fuck that will rape you.
Rant. Over.
Wow, I cannot actually believe this was tweeted?!!! How depressing to see that some members of society STILL consider these ridiculous views up for discussion. Very well said rant!
ReplyDeleteLynsey xx
http://allsortsandanecdotes.blogspot.co.uk
Tweeting a view point like that, or rather entertaining the view as a question or discussion point just shows how women are still being openly blamed for being a victim. It's just disgusting. Males that are victims of rape are never blamed in my experience xx
DeleteI've been saying the same thing for such a long time... Thank you for this awesome post! :D
ReplyDeleteGlad you liked it! I had to let off some steam, I find it infuriating that in this day and age women are still treated like shit by society! xx
DeleteThis is unbelievable! Great post hun, you're 100% right! xx
ReplyDeleteThanks, I know that the majority of people have the same view as me - I just can't understand why in the media and in politics it's still up for discussion! xxx
DeleteThat's disgusting that a tv network would tweet that. These kind of view points anger me so much. I don't even go to clubs anymore because everytime I did I'd get grabbed by some creep.
ReplyDeleteThey should want to take a look at whoever's running their social media. I've went back to their twitter to check and they've tried to "fix" it by showing that the question came from a survey. But, there was no apology for the misrepresentation which is pretty bad. And the survey is garbage if that's a question!
DeleteI hate going out too because of that. I'm really passionate about stopping assault, not because I've ever been raped, but I've been groped enough times in clubs by men that think it's appropriate behaviour. It's out of order to allow blame to be passed to women that neither want nor ask for the inappropriate attention!!
xx
You know we are in the first world but sexism and outrageous things like these are still here it really really disgusts me. Reading this has made me angry and *throw up in cyberspace* ugh!!
ReplyDeleteIxx
Limes&Smiles
It's so frustrating that women still get the short end of the stick in the 21st century. And why are female rape and assault victims always the topic of discussion? Men can be assaulted and raped too and I'm pretty certain it isn't because they were wearing a short skirt!! xx
DeleteIt frustrates me so much! If any of the idiots who spout the whole "Oh she was drunk, she deserved it" nonsense bothered to look up the laws on consent, they'd realise that it is 100% still a crime if the woman is too drunk to consent.
ReplyDeleteI was sexually assaulted by a friend and it got dismissed from court because they screwed up the forensic evidence. The judge actually said to the guy who assaulted me "I would advise you not to get drunk around young girls who are also very drunk" and that's from a JUDGE - someone who is meant to be fair and tolerant. Disgusting.
It's ridiculous that people still have such an outdated view. Brilliant blog post though, it's so nice to see people calling others out on their nonsensical views!
So sorry to hear about your assault. I can't believe the judge said that! It just proves that sexism is still a very real thing in society today. Men get away with unacceptable behaviour, but if it was a woman that done even half of what men do they'd be judged so harshly. xx
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